Wow, it's been way too long since I've blogged...actually, I guess that's not totally true...I started another blog...=o...but regardless...sooo much has happened since the last time I blogged...I wouldn't even know where to begin...but all in all, it's been one of the more memorable years I've had...=)...and definitely God revealed a lot more of Himself to me...but man, there's just sooo much more to learn...but God is soooo capable...God has allowed me to do things I never thought I would be able to do...is He ever able...I learned that sometimes our dreams and wants isn't how we think it is...
ummm...it's gonna be very very busy the next two weeks...but I'am TRYING to focus on Him...it may seem that I'm totally freaking out...but honestly inside...I really have a sense of peace...I know God is hearing those prayers...just trying to reflect what happened this year, everything seems so jumbled right now...umm...God has totally expanded what I thought "I" could totally do...He's allowed me to go to places I never thought I would have the chance to visit, He's blessed me with totally *awesome* people, He's just allowed me to experience soooo much...so many stories to tell...to witness HIM!...that's all for now...God bless
steph

love...such a short lil word...consisting of just four letters…but the meaning…ohhh sooooo…indescribable …so why am I bringing this up…cause I had a wonderful conversation on the subway…*wink*…a lot of thoughts came to mind during that conversation…am I truly loving those that are around me…like in the same way that the Lord loves me?…actually this has been on my heart during this Christmas break…when a friend told me that the Lord loves me…and that she loves me too…this is actually the second time I’ve heard these two sayings…it’s sooo great to hear…but when can I say that I love those around me… I’m still struggling with many things…someone told me that it’s because there’s still things I haven’t been able to let go of yet…I still have a lot of unforgiving, bitter and blame that holds close to me….although I can let things go in a way that I don’t let it bother me…but when the conversation and topic pops up…everything comes up just like that… you’re right…there are still a lot of things I can’t let go of yet…=/
I always do this…boggy, boggy, boggy…and explode…than I let it pass…and it doesn’t get resolved…so is that what it is…is that why I can’t love like the way you do?…so genuinely; say that you love someone?…I still don’t get it!!!…sorry if this doesn’t make sense to some of you…bare with me…=o…
anyhow…back to the subway ride…=)…having that conversation made me very appreciative in a way, and very awful at the same time… I mean…even a simple smile…I think a lot of us take that for granted sometimes…or to genuinely be happy once in a while…it’s just that hard for some ppl to experience…but how can we help?…prayer?…physically?…verbally?…sometimes there’s just sooo much we can do I guess…don’t feel so bad k!…there’s a time and season for everything!…maybe it’s just not the right time…=)…

yeah…so my brother came down from work today to have lunch with me today…didn’t expect it at all…but it was cool…I’ve actually been seeing and spending more time with him a lot more than usual these couple of days…is it cause he’s leaving next week for THREE whole weeks?…it’s gonna be soooo weird…three whole week with no one home…=/…the thought of it already sucks…not like it doesn’t suck as it is…except it’s gonna be 10 times worst!!…I really dislike this feeling…knowing that no one is going to be home, total solitude… I’m kinda scared to be honest…I wanna cry…but I feel like there’s no reason to…dumb…=/…blahhh…I guess my brother went through it for eight months when I was in loo…I guess it’ll be my turn…=/…I don’t think I’ve really realized the importance of my brother being around…except for now…that he’s really all I got here…well as for family wise…=)…that’s all for now…

First day back to school...i'm glad i had the extra two days that most ppl didn't have...=)...i guess everything started sinking in that schools starting when everyone was busy for the two days i was free...=o...well my schedule still isn't fixed...my advisor still doesn't have a solution for meh...sigh....everythings conflicting…I’m stuck in the middle once again…that’s why I’m in this situation…neither a first or second year student…boo…oh well…I’m sure it’ll resolve soon…I mean it better…=/…

A glimpse of God...=)

A man from Norfolk, VA called a local radio station to share this on Sept 11th, 2003. His Name was Robert Matthews. These are his words:

"A few weeks before Sept 11th, my wife and I found out we were going to have our first child. She planned a trip out to California to visit her sister. On our way to the airport, we prayed that God would grant my wife a safe trip and be with her. Shortly after I said 'amen' we both heard a loud pop and the car shook violently. we had blown out a tire.
I replaced the tire as quickly as I could, but we still missed her flight. Both very upset, we drove home. I received a call from my father who was retired FDNY. He asked what my
wife's flight number was, but we explained that we missed the flight. My father informed me that her flight was the one that crashed into the southern tower. I was too shocked to speak. My father also had more news for me; he was going to help. 'This is not something I can just sit by for, I have to do something." I was concerned for his safety, of course, but more because he had never given his life to Christ. After a brief debate, I knew his mind was made up. Before he got off of the phone, he said, 'take good care of my grandchild.' Those were the last words I ever heard my father say; he died while helping in the rescue effort. My joy that my prayer of safety for my wife had been answered quickly became anger. Anger at God, at my father, and at myself. I had gone for nearly 2 years blaming God for taking my father away. My son would never know his grandfather, my father had never accepted Christ, and I never got to say goodbye.
Then something happened. About 2 months ago, I was sitting at home with my wife and my son, when there was a knock on the door. I looked at my wife, but I could tell she wasn't expecting anyone. I opened the door to a couple with a small child. The man looked at me and asked if my father's name was Jake Matthews. I told him it was. He quickly grabbed my hand and said, "I never got the chance to meet your father, but it is an honor to meet his son.." He explained to me that his wife had worked in the World Trade Center and had been caught inside after the attack. She was pregnant and had been caught under debris. He then explained that my father had been the one to find his wife and free her. My eyes welled up with tears as I thought of my father giving his life for people like this. He then said, "there is something else you need to know." His wife then told me that as my father worked to free her, she talked to him and led him to Christ. I began sobbing at the news. Now I know that when I get to heaven, my father will be standing beside Jesus to welcome me, and that this family would be able to thank him themselves." When their baby boy was born, they named him Jacob Matthew in honor of the man who gave his life so mother and baby could live.
This story should help us to realize two things: First, that though it has been two years since the attacks, we should never let it become a mere tragic memory. And second, but most important, God is always in control. We may not see the reason behind things, and we may never know this side of heaven, but God is ALWAYS in control.

Please take time to share this amazing story with those you love.
You may never know the impact it may have on someone.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!...wow...another year passes by just like that....but I guess looking back during the year…a lot happened…but or course there’s good and bad in terms of things happening…but I guess it’s always like that…but I think this year I learned a lot…a lot in terms of myself and others…and of course…learning about the Lord is just a constant learning experience…because I’m quite sure I’ll never understand the Lord completely…but I think things are slowly becoming more clear as to where I’m heading…don’t get me wrong…I still have no exact idea as to where I’m heading…but I guess just a more * unambiguous * picture I suppose…=)…but in a way I’m glad I don’t have my life totally set out…I do want the Lord to lead it…I do…but I know it’s gonna be hard…but I’m sure it’ll be worth wild…I mean…I still have an ideal live style that I would want…but that’s “MINE”…what “I” hope for…so I ask you to pray for me so I could completely trust that everything is taken care of…and nothing is mine…=)…

I'm BACK!...so I went to Old Monteal/ Mont Tremblant for fours days...it was sooooooo much fun...I don't even know where to begin telling...i guess i'll start from the beginning...so i went with Cora's family on another trip...last time we went to Blue Mountains, that was fun too...this time to Montreal to go skiing...we passed by Ottawa and stopped there for a bit...than to Mont Tremblant...it's sooo pretty there...i don't know why, but it reminded me of the hobbits little town...it was really pretty there...we went skiing on the second day...it was kinda bad weather condition, but it was still a great experience...it started hailing up in the mountains, there was sooooooo much fog...you couldn't even see anything infront of you...it was kinda cool...but very dangerous, they had to close the day early...and there were sooo many accidents...very slippery...i'm surprised i didn't hit a tree...haha...actually almost...=/...it was soo funny though...like Colin said...we were totally walking (skiing) by faith not by sight...and i lost my ski's...well actually there was a big mix-up...someone took my ski's!!...errr...so i had to change the ones i had...it didn't take too long...we went on a night tour..and i bumped into ERICA!!...that was sooooo cool....we were just screaming when we saw each other...we never told each other that we were going...i heard from ppl that she went, and she didn't know i was there...we keep bumping into each other...=)...i miss that girl...
yeah...we left to Old Montreal for the third night...it was pretty there...kinda old...but pretty...during breakfast i made something explode...it was soooo bad...i'm not gonna get into it...=/...but don't ever put an egg in the microwave..=D
during that night we had sharing...it was kinda weird at first...but it was really nice...we had sharing with the whole family...we each shared about our goals for the next coming year, things we learned from this year and things we feel like we achieved...it was really cool...i hope i could one day do that with my own family!...i think we talked for like two hours...really cool...=)...well, i guess that was the gist of the trip...there were other lil funny things that happened...but that's gonna take too long and i don't think ppl cares to know...oh yeah...one more thing...the trip was GREAT!...it was really great...i felt like a lil lil kid again...it was soo nice...i had nothing to worry about...everything was planned and arranged for us...all we did was eat, sleep, play, eat, sleep, play...my gosh...!!...thanks Cora for bringing me...and of course to her family for everything...=)

Wow…where do I begin…this weeks been pretty busy…but a lot of fun and very relaxing…=)
Right, It was sooo cool…my brother actually came to church with me for the very first time…it was kinda awkward, but I was really happy…it really happened unexpectedly…but none the less he came…=) maybe I’ll give details later…I’m kinda tired, and still have things to PACK…=)…I’m going to mount tremblant for a couple of days next week…so I need to start packing cause I’m gonna be busy…so I’m just writing the gist of things now…
I haven’t really been sleeping at home for this past week…slept over at my friend’s house for two nights, than slept over at my brother’s gf’s house the next day…it was really nice though…waking up with people in the house…=)…
I went to cora’s mom’s baptism the other day…it was one of the baptism’s I enjoyed attending the most…it was sooo funny…and touching…it was just really good…=)…her mom give her testimony, it was very cool…it’s always encouraging to hear someone’s testimony whom you know…very encouraging…I just wanna say CONGRATULATIONS BETTY!!…=) dinner was sooooo much fun…they had a Christmas dinner with some staff from her mom’s work place…it was sooo cool…even though some of us didn’t know each other at all…or very well…we bonded very well…we laughed sooo much, my stomach was gonna pop…it amazes me how people can fellowship together because the Lord is all of our DAD’s…=)…it’s sooooo great!!…we sang and prayed during the party and it was great…while sitting in the room filled with people I don’t know…I felt like it was a glimpse of heaven..i really did…like all we’ll do is sing and laugh and have fellowship with each other…it was great!…I mean…we don’t even have to know each other at ALL…that’s what amazes me I guess…=)…while sitting there…I was hoping that I can some day do that with my blood family…I want them to have the same, amazing feeling that I did…okay I mean not even just my family…but everyone else…my friends, relatives, co-workers,..even people I don’t know…yup yup…=)
Okay moving on…it was the most *coincidental* (although I don’t believe in coincidences) thing that happened…so it must have been the Lord doing something…so I went to watch the Lord of the Rings on wed…and I bumped into some people from church and my pastor…it was soooo awkward…he was like, “so, where have you been”…I didn’t even know what to say…they ended up sitting right beside us…funny how things work out eh…but honestly, I have been wanting to sit down with my pastor just to get things straighten out…I think bumping into him, made me realize that I really do need to talk to him…not gonna go into detail…but yeah…maybe I’ll blog later…gotta start packing and cleaning the house…*blah*…

wow...it seems like it's been forever not blogging...but it's only because i haven't been home for the past couple of days...and not cause i've been lazy...i have soo much to say...i'll blog later...i'm sooo happy it's finally Christmas...=)